Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. And all day regardless of how I looked at it, I easily fell into the slum of every other single person alive yesterday. I believed that my euphonium playing was lacking musicality and that does not surprise me at all, now looking in retrospect because playing the euphonium demands focus, creativity, an open mind and most of all heart. In Grammar and Composition after taking a test which I may or may not have bombed, we received our rough drafts for an expository essay due at the end of this school week. Now, after talking with people I have come to find that I was not the only person with a lot of criticism in the margins but at that moment I felt like my teacher was personally attacking my writing. There is truly only very few things that are worse than someone stating that your one and only voice is something that is unclear, rambling and lacking purpose. And my day just got worse from that point.
As much as I tried I kept focusing on the negative things that occur occured during my day, when I usually am able to disregard such trivial aspects and focus on what truly matters. It came to the point where I had to resort to talking in ridiculous accents to somewhat forget what was going on and look at Alex Cyert’s life as a stranger with a much different outlook and past because I did not want to take ownership of my life. The one thing we have as human beings on this vast planet is our own life and I just as easily gave it away because I felt incompetent and unable to truly deal with reality. In turn I wasted a day of my life due to a skewed outlook on a single day. I never want to have my out outlook make such a considerable negative impact again and let one day pass where I feel that I have not striven to pursue bettering myself as a person and artist. We are capable as human beings of decisional happiness when being happy seem unattainable to us.
Today really was a great turn around and much needed for me to not be discouraged by life, but be a student to life and learn a concept that may have been distant to me before this. Today I thoroughly enjoyed my usual breakfast of a coffee and breakfast sandwich from Kwik Trip regardless of the fact that it is a burning a deep, deep hole in my pocket of depleting monetary funds. During a lesson with my band instructor he was not quick to criticize and point out the obvious. He first asked me what I thought and felt about the performance of my major, harmonic and melodic minor scales and solo literature I will perform at the end of this month to be a contestant as a featured soloist in the grand concert of an honor band I am attending. By asking me what my thoughts were it became more of an I already knew the answers and just need to begin applying them learning moments. He gave me a good share of criticism after that but also pointed out things that I definitely was glad to hear. Through much practice I am improving and that is what is constantly important. My day got progressively better from there receiving insight on my final draft of my grammar and composition paper from a past teacher. To being in the zone singing in choir during fifth hour and having great tone. To viewing Glee tonight and being inspired to have a comeback into a life full of purpose, drive, god and constant questioning because there truly is no point in living unless we are constantly thinking.
Song of the day - Guaranteed by Eddie Vedder
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” - Albert Einstein
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